Fear, He Is A LIAR!

As you have followed me along on this journey through Lymphoma this past year, I have tried to share my heart, whether it was a serious and raw or a lighthearted post. I originally felt that I should start this blog to share about a journey through a valley that was definitely not of my choosing but then decided who wants to talk about that C word all the time, so decided to share some tea journeys as well!

Recently I had another MRI of my brain focusing on the Pituitary tumor that currently resides there. I had been having headaches for weeks and the doctor wanted to check the tumor status, so the results were that the tumor had not increased in size, nor had it shrunk either. She was concerned that it had not shrunk because I was taking meds. She notifies the neurosurgeon and I get a call from his office asking me to come in to discuss these results. Well, the wheels started turning!!! I had read about that surgery and knew it was not something I wanted to experience. So the head is hurting, the stress is mounting and this ol’ girl is freaking out! 

Now, a lot of people see me as a strong person. I even wrote one of my first blog posts about how my granddaughter saw me to be as strong as an ox. Well, let me tell you, I began to experience being “less than” strong. 

My daughter went with me to the neurosurgeon. He walks in the office and begins to question me about my symptoms and the headaches. Then he proceeds to tell my daughter that he would treat her mother the same as he would his own mother. So he tells me that he treats the patient, not the MRI results. He also informs me that he would not be operating on this tumor at this time and if he ever needed to do so, it would be after much deliberation because of other issues going on with me. So I breathed a sign of relief when he told me this because I had pretty much prepared myself that he was going to operate on me is why he called me in. Well…in between asking me questions and my answering him, I’m beginning to get emotional because of dealing with these headaches for several weeks. I say to him…”I have a strong faith in God!”…he’s typing away and says…”I do too!” "But", I said…”I’m human and my head hurts constantly and it’s getting to be fall and then winter and I begin to feel trapped because I stay in the house so much, alone.” 

He stops typing, turns and looks at me, takes my hands in his and talks to me as if I’m the only person in the world he is concerned with! Of course he realizes I am stressing and he thinks I’m depressed so he’s sending messages to my PCP and oncologist. Nicest doctor... EVER!

He says go to your PCP…I went…she wanted me to take antidepressants…no thank you…

He says this could be your eyes, get your refraction checked.

That evening, I happened😜 to open FB and Susie Larson was doing a live broadcast. I started watching and she was sharing about something she had dealt with recently and shared a lot of horrific symptoms that she was having. She had been healed of Lyme disease so she has strong faith as well, but she couldn’t figure out why God was not healing her and she was interrogating Him often because of that fact. It’s a long story, but she stated that she came to realize that she was living in FEAR! When she said NO to fear, her symptoms started to subside. Every time the fear started rising she would say NO, I am not entertaining you today or ever. All of the symptoms disappeared.

Ok, so I’m sitting here watching Susie, relating to every word she is saying and I realize…I am living in fear! It’s not easy for me to admit this to you, but I was living in fear! 😣 This time of year is difficult for me, as flu season comes and people are sick right and left. Last winter I would stay in the house sometimes two weeks without going out. I was already allowing myself to be set up! I didn’t go to church last year from December to March. When I realized what was actually happening to me, I made the decision that fear will not hold me captive this winter. I am going to church, with my mask on and I may become a nuisance to my friends and family but I’m not going to be held captive in my house this winter. 

Fear, He is a liar is a song that came out last year and the lyrics are spot on. He will take your breath, tell you that you’re not good enough, strong enough, not worthy, you’re not loved, you’re not beautiful, never be enough. He will rob your rest, steal your happiness. 

Cast your fear in the fire!!

You know they say the first step to recovery, for those who struggle with addictions is to admit you are an addict or alcoholic....so there you have it...

I was operating in fear without realizing what it was…afraid of germs…afraid of a tumor….afraid of a surgery…afraid of lymphoma…NO MORE!!!

God is NOT a liar! I know that for a fact because He has brought me through so many valleys and hills and hollars in my 71 years. He is faithful. He is truth. He is merciful. He is kind. He is a good, good Father and He’s my Healer. After the realization that I was walking in fear unknowingly and quite frankly being surprised by the fact that I had fallen victim to fear, I have pulled up the proverbial boot straps and told satan to take a hike back where he came from and if he returns and I’m sure he will, then I will be ready…prepared with my armor shined and oiled! We are overcomers by the blood of the Lamb and the word of our testimony! I intend to be an overcomer and I intend to testify. 

NO MORE FEAR!!!

And by the way, headaches have pretty much subsided and I go to a neurology opthamologist this week. I bought some stronger readers, so I’m assuming it has been eye strain the whole time!😊

If you are dealing with any kind of dread or fear, talk to the Lord about it and also talk to someone "with skin on" about it…don’t let the enemy of your soul bind you up in fear. Yea though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death, I will fear no evil for thou art with me. I learned that scripture as a child in Psalm 23 and I still got tripped up. Anyone can fall victim to fear but we don’t have to stay there, thanks be to God!! 

Below is the link to the Zach Williams song about fear:
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1srs1YoTVzs

Susie Larson's FB Live Page Link is below: Learning to Flourish, Mind, Body and Spirit...

https://www.facebook.com/deeperlifeinchrist/videos/1018991751613766/?hc_ref=ARRWx0n9DPh07hoxDiZ24i9qBJQxwNlCt44dW3vsgECR08dC5f0JRH5G4j-AIb_24T8&__xts__[0]=68.ARAgmFr6QU8qF0BTk5BjMhHN8kP6OaJBZEN_9ieHsV42PN-kDHB9jPdaA8pYunB3C-BdA7U5bl42reFLl76-JXvog47ly3X7hLyodDK1TVz2pQ7_TUGJQ8nlkTOPu95PfPEvwKwt4UWEqYdh_q_P58cB9dqMLrWDFC0EgKrkWdbUgjeVUdPIx7U&__tn__=FC-R